Pics.

Here are some pictures that I have taken, I hope you enjoy!

A year has past.

So 2008 is coming to a close, and I feel as if I have accomplished nothing this year.
My grades are slacking in school, The only thing I feel that I brought upon myself was a lot of drama, even though I have gained a few AMAZINGLY close friends in the process... but I don't know, I wasted most of this year in a state of depression and confusion!

FUCK THAT!!!


2009 is going to be soo much better!
I know it is!!!!

At the stroke of midnight everything will change!

Goodbye sorrow, hello happiness!
The New Year HERE I COME!
And I am coming strong!
:D

Short story...

JAY
I sat there with him in his room, my girlfriend was texting me, but she wasn’t the person who was on my mind. Why do I feel like this? Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why was I getting hot, I mean we were watching porn, but I think I was more turned on by observing him watching it. I received a new text message from my girlfriend asking me what I was doing, I couldn’t just respond with, “Me and my best guy friend are watching a porno and you have no idea how bad I want to go down on him right now.” I don’t think that she would like that very much. She already says that I seem distant at times. What the fuck is going on? I responded to her text with a “nothing” bland I know, but what else was I supposed to say?
Oh great! Another sex scene! Look at his face, he is getting all excited… he is fucking hot when he is horny … Wait … STOP! This isn’t right! Is it?
“Hey man you alright”, he asked me.
“Yeah dude I am good.” I replied.
When really inside I wanted him to throw me down and lay on top of me. What am I saying? I can’t have these feelings. I should call my girlfriend.
“Do you mind if I…?” he asked me, pointing to his male parts.
“Naw, go ahead.” I said.
Holy shit! I can’t watch this; I can’t sit here and watch him play with himself.
“I will be right back I forgot to call my girlfriend earlier.” I choked out.
“Alright.” He replied.
I got my phone and walked out of the room, what do I talk to her about? I found her name and clicked send. Do I tell her? Is it time? I need time to think! It’s ringing, oh shit it’s ringing!
“Hello?” She asked into the phone.
“Hey, can we talk?” I asked.
* * *
“Yeah, we can talk what’s up, is something wrong?” she asked me.
Thinking quickly about what I should say, sweating profusely, and shaking at the thought of telling her how I was feeling.
“Nothing is wrong, I just felt like talking to you girl.” I panicked, I couldn’t tell her anything.
“Oh, alright, where are you at babe?” she questioned.
“Oh, I am at Aiden’s house, but I just wanted to call and check up on you.” I said.
“I am doing good, but I’ll let you go though so you can chill with Aiden, have fun, goodnight babe love you.”
“Um… alright, night, love you too!”
She hung up. So what should I do now? Should I go back into Aiden’s room?
After pacing around for a few minutes I decided to head back to Aiden’s room. When I opened the door there he was laying on his bed, naked, jacking off to the couple having sex on the T.V. screen.
“Having fun?” I asked.
“Oh, hell yeah man. Why don’t you do this?”
“I don’t know man it just isn’t my thing I guess.” I said as I sat down in a recliner next to the bed. He sat up and moved smoothly and seductively toward me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked rubbing his hands softly up and down my thighs.
“Can’t get it up? Do you need a little help? I can help you.” He proposed as he slid his right hand to my crotch and rubbed his check against mine.
“I am just playing bro!” he stated as he punched me in my shoulder.
Oh my god, did that just happen? Fuck the porno Aiden just made me so horny within a matter of seconds. Thank god that I am wearing jeans! At this point I was in such a state of shock I completely zoned out I was mesmerized by him. He didn’t take any notice to me seeing as his porn just ended.
“Dammit man porno seems so short well its late lets crash!”
Zoning back into the conversation when I realized he had been talking to me.
“Oh, alright where should I sleep?” I asked.
“Just sleep on the other side of my bed.” He stated.
“Alright, night.”
“Night.”
I love the way he moves in his sleep, my girlfriend doesn’t move like that she lays perfectly still. I can't tell when she is taking in a breath of air, but with Aiden I can tell, I can see his sculpted chest moving up and down so slowly. Why is this so amazing to me? You know how some people say “they look like an angel when their asleep” well he really does.
* * *
Let’s just say I didn’t sleep to well last night, but eventually I did fall asleep. At around ten o’clock I was rudely woken up. Aiden was sitting on top of my stomach with his shirt off, right in my face saying “Wake up sunshine”. This wasn’t helping my so-called morning wood at all. If he only knew how I felt about him, he really wouldn’t be on top of me right now!
“Wake up sleepy ass!” he yelled.
“I’m up!” I replied.
“So what do you want to do today?” he asked.
In my head all of the thoughts soared, he couldn’t even imagine all of the stuff I wanted to do with him. What am I saying? This is too strange, this is way too different.
“I don’t care.”
“Call up your girlfriend and lets go see a movie man!” he suggested.
As if the situation wasn’t fucked up enough already adding my girlfriend will just make this day worse.
“Alright, sounds cool.”
So I did just that, the rest of the day was one huge awkward moment. I felt like a third wheel yet torn in between my girlfriend and my best friend. I guess I wasn’t acting like myself since both of them kept asking me “what’s wrong?” And anything that could make this situation worse was happening, lets just say don’t watch the movie Threesome with Stephen Baldwin when you are confused yourself! I need to get home I need to get away, I need to take some time for myself, I need to be alone.
“I am going home; I will see you both later.”
And I left, just like that.
* * *
So I went home what else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t possibly begin to describe the feelings I have for Aiden to my girlfriend, and I couldn’t even think about telling Aiden the feelings I have for him, I am afraid that they will disown me and not want anything to do with me. What will I do if I lost my best friend and my girlfriend?
My cell phone kept ringing, over and over, it was Jessica and Aiden calling to ask what was wrong. For once I don’t feel like talking about what is wrong, so I finally put my phone on silent (which I never do). What am I doing? Why am I trying to run away from the predicament? What is running away going to do? It isn’t going to solve anything. I mean I am still going to see both Aiden and Jessica everyday at school, and Jessica will still want to go on dates and shit. How much more of this can I take? All these questions and I still have no answers.
I lay on my bed and turned on my music, as loud as it could go, to try and block out this tornado of thoughts rushing around my head. It helped a little but nothing major.
I think that I am going to try and let all of this go and just push it out of my mind, that should work right?
* * *
It’s not working! I am trying so hard to push all of my conflicting thoughts away! But still they remain! I have shoved it off for 3 weeks now! How much longer will I be able to handle all of this? I can’t sleep, I am having trouble eating, my life has been turned upside down! Everyone is looking at me like I have leprosy or something. I bet they are all trying to guess what wrong with me. But none of them know just what kind of shit I am dealing with.

JESS
Why has Jay been acting so weird lately? What was going on with him? What’s going though his head? I sure don’t know but I know that I can’t talk to him about what I am dealing with! I mean how do I begin to describe to him that when him and I are together I sometimes think about our friend Aiden? What a fucked up girlfriend I am! How selfish could I be? Wait? Does he know that I think this way? Is that why he is drifting from me? Is that why he never wants to be around Aiden and I at the same time? God I wish I could just get into his head and know what he is thinking!
“Ohh!”
My cell phone vibrating in my lap startled me. I got a text message, who is texting me? Oh my god! It’s from Aiden! What does he want?
“Do you want to chill tomorrow?”
What should I say? Of course I want to chill tomorrow! Should I invite Jay?
I have to call Jay! I clicked his speed dial number and the phone began to ring.
“Hello?” he asked.
“Hey honey!” I said kind of off key.
“What’s up?”
“Aiden and I may chill tomorrow do you want to come with us?”
I didn’t know how to stall anymore so I just decided to ask him flat out.
“No thanks, I just got some stuff I have to do. But you two go and have fun.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yeah it’s fine.”
“All right then.”
“Well I am going to sleep goodnight Jess.”
“Goodnight.”
He was going to sleep this early? Its 10 o’clock he never goes to sleep before 1 or 2. Did I upset him! I don’t know what to fucking do! I am going to text Aiden back!
“Yes lets chill!”
Oh God, what am I setting myself up for?
* * *
As I am taking a shower the doorbell rings! Shit! That must be Aiden. I grabbed a towel wrapped it around my drenched body and went to go answer it. I look through the peep hole and there he is standing there with a button up collard shirt that is only halfway buttoned up I could see his amazing chest all tan and built. I instantly closed my eyes!
“Oh my god! What am I going to do?”
I finally decided that I should open the door to let him in.
“Hey Aiden.” I said as the door was opening.
“Hey” he replied. “Oh I’m sorry was this a bad time?”
“No, it’s fine, just give me a few minutes to get ready okay?”
“Alright!”
I went back to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I started to breathe really fast all I could think about was the fact that Aiden was sitting in the other room. I imagined him barging in to my bathroom ripping off his clothes and pulling me onto him. What am I thinking? He is my boyfriend’s best friend and mine. Why the hell am I feeling like this? It took a lot longer to get ready than I had planned since my head was whirling with all of these thoughts. I could hear that Aiden was just sitting in my living room flipping through the channels on the TV. I am glad that he can find ways to entertain himself. After I had gotten dressed and put my make up on I left my bathroom to join Aiden in the living room.
“I’m ready to go!” I said as I was drooling over him lounging on my sofa.
“Cool, let’s go.” He replied.
And we both proceeded out the front door.
* * *
As he was driving to the movie theaters all I could do was daydream about him. I though about him driving a convertible shirtless with the top down and his soft brown hair blowing in the wind. There really is something wrong with me. What kind of girlfriend am I? Do they have help for people dealing with this kind of sick shit?
“Are you alright?” Aiden asked.
I was to busy thinking to myself I hadn’t noticed that we were already at the movie theaters.
“Oh we’re already here? Yeah I am fine! Why do you ask?”
“You just didn’t seem to be on earth for a minute there!” He began to laugh.
I laughed with him making it seem like I was okay. Aiden turned the stereo down and looked at me with a serious look on his face.
“Jess, do you know why Jay’s been acting so different lately?”
“I honestly have no idea, do you know?”
“No, but this isn’t like Jay being all secluded and spending all of his free time by himself.”
“I know, I am really worried about him.”
“Same here.”
We sat silently in his car for the next few minutes. I am worried about Jay, but I am also worried about myself. I am worried that my feelings will end up screwing up all of our friendships.
“Lets go get our seats before the theater fills up.”
I agreed and we got out of the car got our tickets and snagged our favorite seats before it got to crowded. It was strange how natural this day out with Aiden felt, I thought that it wouldn’t be the same without Jay, but I was wrong. It felt normal it felt right. I guess Aiden felt the same way too as the previews started he rested his head on my shoulder. My heart suddenly melted and I began to get nervous. But I really liked how this night was turning out.
* * *
After the movies Aiden drove back to my place and of course I invited him in to relax for a while. We sat on the couch and flipped through the television and had random conversations about movies and various TV shows. I couldn’t help myself Aiden was just so perfect and so beautiful. I wasn’t able to think about Jay at all when Aiden was anywhere near me. I moved closer and closer to Aiden he watched me with curiosity, when I got close enough I pushed my lips to his and began to kiss him passionately while climbing on top of him. For a while he did not resist, but then he suddenly pushed me off of him.
“Jess, this isn’t right, you’re with Jay, I mean I really do like you and all, but not like this.”
“Aiden, all I can think about is you! It may be wrong and It may be fucked up but I know what I want.”
“I don’t think you do, I have got to go I will talk to you later.”
“Aiden, no, please don’t leave!”
“You need to talk to Jay!”
That is the last thing that Aiden said to me before he left my apartment!
* * *
All I could do last night after Aiden left my apartment was cry! I ran to my room and cried the rest of the night. What am I going to do? Is he going to talk to Jay? How the hell do I tell Jay about this?

AIDEN
Why are Jay and Jess acting this way? What is going through Jay’s head? Why isn’t he talking to me like he used to? And why is Jess suddenly all over me? And why do I like both of them so much? Is it weird of me to have feelings for my two best friends? Does that make me a bad friend? I don’t want to be a home wrecker; I am not trying to ruin their relationship by any means. I just can’t fight the strong feelings that I am holding inside for both of them! Does Jay sense that I am feeling this way? Is that why he is trying to stay away from me? God, this whole situation is driving me fucking insane! Maybe it would just be best if I stayed away from them both? I have no idea how I should approach this situation, do I tell them or do I just run away? I am so used to just running away from my problems but I don’t think that is going to help me this time!
* * *
I tried to sleep but all I could do was toss and turn all night long. My mind was whirling with questions and thoughts. I tried everything to silence the chaos in my head, I put on music, I tried to watch the TV, and nothing was working. Jess kept trying to call me and every time I clicked ignore. I don’t know what to say to her, I was flattered to find out that she had feelings for me but I would never do something like that to my best friend that is why I feel it is best to ignore her before the situation gets worse. I have tried to call Jay several times but he seems to be using the same tactic I am, we are so alike sometimes. This is the first time in a long while that I have felt unsure about what to do in life. I need to do something; I need to get all of this off of my chest! I picked up my phone once again and proceeded to call Jay. I knew before I dialed that he wouldn’t answer so I had decided to leave a voicemail. The phone was ringing and ringing when finally it went to voicemail, I waited impatiently for the beep. When I heard the beep I let out a big sigh and began to speak.
“Look Jay I don’t know what the hell is going on in you head but I need to tell you all that’s in mine and just get it off my chest. I … I have feelings for you, and I also have feelings for Jess. It is stronger than a friendship feeling and it has been tearing at me lately and I just don’t know what the hell is going on! Please Jay, please call me!”
I hung up the phone and began to cry.
* * *
The next day when I woke up I had a text from Jay, It said to meet him at our usual meeting place, which happened to be the towns only starbucks, at noon. I was really nervous about what would happen with our friendship, I had to motivate myself and make myself leave my house to meet him; I know if the roles were reversed he would be there for me. When I arrived I noticed that Jess was there too. It was time; we all need to talk to each other face to face. As much as I didn’t want to do that I knew that I had to. When we were all sitting down it was an awkward silence for some time but then the truth came out of us all. We all had feelings for each other that none of us knew the others had. We all were worrying about the same things; the same thing was going through all of our minds. The only question is now what do we do, where does our friendship or relationship go from here?
“So what do we do now?” I asked.
Silence, just a long awkward silence was all that was going on. All of our problems were off our chest but there are still a lot of things that we need to figure out.

Dont tell anyone.

So, you know you have said this little phrase many times, "Don't tell anyone!" And eventually that person goes and tells at least one person.
I have found this lately to be a venting process, one person vents to you, you listen until you need to vent, then you proceed to someone else and vent to them about what is going on. It is natural, I will tell you right now everyone does it! I am not saying that people are telling all of your dirty little secrets and not to trust any one, I am just saying that we all need to vent and sometimes things slip or people need to tell the whole story so others get the whole picture. This is why I am glad that I have such an amazing circle of friends, we all understand that things like that happen! So next time you say, "Don't tell anyone" just think about that!




But don't tell anyone, this will be our little secret!

Tease

UGH!
If you take time to think about it, the human race really does treat people like dogs.
And no not (Dowwgs).
In this day and age every single one of us teases people in some way shape or form!
And some more profoundly than others!
I cant say much, I know I am a tease. But I tease certain people.
And I somewhat enjoy teases, it is like a love-hate thing with me.
I love the fact that you like to tease me and see how far I will go with it, but I hate when I get to into it and nothing comes of it.
This blog probably makes no fucking sense to you (the reader) but I get it....
It is hard to explain w/o examples, but I am not going to put any in here.
So tease on my fellow teasers but if you know a person that likes you and you like to tease them, don't tease them too much, you don't want to torture them!
I enjoy it though.
Signed,
A weird,
tease loving,
somewhat masochistic,
confused,

yet cool teenager!

Sexual fantasies

I mean don't we all have them?
Some are weird, some are romantic, some are sick and masochistic, all genres really!
Mine is really random, cliche and stupid, but I figure "Hey what the hell, why not?"
One of my weird little fantasies is making out and such in a dressing room.
I mean think about it, it is in public yet secluded from the public all at the same time, quite dangerous!
Me like-E!
I mean there are other things and places but I thought that one would be pretty cool!
I'll probably post more later!
You will just have to keep your eye out!

Party?

Ah, yes last night there was a party.
And lets take a wild guess who didn't go to it!
Me.
And the only reason I didn't go was because two of my close friends didn't go.
Man, I really wanted to go, I need to let go of all this shit, all of this stress!
I need to let loose, I need to live!
Over the break you are damn sure that we all are going to party!
And we are going to have a hella good time!

. . . . . . . . .

If you aren't a senior in high school, let me tell you first hand.
YOU WILL SLACK OFF.
Don't ask me why but you will!
Most of you will!
Well, I guess that is just a fact of life!
Ugh!!!!

Torn.

I am torn between two people who are torn between one another.
What do I do? What do I say? What can I do?
Whether I like this situation or not, I am stuck right in the middle.
But I mean, I would rather be in the middle than out of the loop completely, right?
Because it seems that if I were out of the loop I would have two less friends, and I never want that to happen. I don't ever want to lose these two! They had been so close for so long what happened, what is going on? Why am I somewhat infatuated by both? When they are hurt, so am I. I don't want them to drift apart, but sadly, in the same sense I don't want them to get close either. That is such a fucked up thing to say, or think rather, but that is how I feel. I am upset he has a girlfriend too, you have a reason to be more hurt, but I know where you are coming from. And come on man I know she bugs you, but she loves you, and you know you love her too, or do you? And why do I love you both? What is going on? I just want someone to pat us all on the back and reassure us that everything will be alright, just to be patient.
Patience .... that is a hard thing to keep in these situations.
I love you guys so much!
I miss you when I am not with you.
And it is really hard, even for me, just to see you like this.
And I don't want any innocent people to get hurt.
My heart seems to be torn between you two.
I love ya girl, I love ya man.

....

Torn.

Twilight!

Was an amazing epic motion picture!
Smart, funny, sensual, seductive, awkward, beautiful.
Any adjective you can think of fits!
The movie captured the book so well!!
I was speechless after the movie!
This movie takes you literally out of this world!
A MUST SEE!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh"

*The phone rings*
"Hello?... What's wrong?"
*The person on the other end of the line talks forever about her current problem, "It is just so stupid", "I don't know what to do", "What happened when he went through this", Blah blah blah... Etc. And she kept pausing between them all for responses*
The person on this line just wasn't responding, so finally I stepped in and said,
"Say something!"
This is when she picked the phone up and said,
"Oh."
OH!! WTF!! HAHAHA!! That is all you can say, "Oh." Wow.
And to make it worse,
"Well we are leaving now and I have bad service but I will call you later, bye!"
Once off the phone the three of us in the car laughed our asses off!
Good times..
When we tried to fill the third person on the conversation they missed, this was said,
"It wasn't that short of an 'Oh', it was like two syllables"

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Can someone tell me how "Oh." can be to syllables?!?

UH-OH!

XD

Tree.

Yesterday I watched/helped/took pictures/took video/ (of a) tree being cut down.
Quite entertaining stuff! It was better that sitting at home doing nothing!
Alomost knocked down a power line, but it didnt break so that is good! Right?!? lol.
So if ever you are bored.. grab a few friends and cut down a tree!
But please, dont damage anything! Because if you do I am not taking the credit because of this blog! :D

Crush.

Whoever decided to name it that knew what the fuck they were talking about!
Have you ever liked someone and you knew it was a complete waste of time?
And on top of that, for some unapparent reason, it is hard for you to stop liking them?
Yeah, I know a lot of people deal with this everyday.
But on top of all of this my crush happens to be a guy.
And beleive me if you are reading this you dont know him! So dont ask.
I cant help it, that feeling is there, I am really trying to get over it though.
I am getting better little by little!
I just dont want things to be awkward, I dont want things to be weird.
I am glad that we are friends!

Bi.

I like girls and I like guys too
Sometimes this fact makes me blue
I am struck by ones personality
The anatomy doesnt mean a thing to me
This is not something that I choose
but honestly what the hell do I have to lose
Think of me what you must
Because in the end we all turn to dust

Now it is time to deal and swallow my pride
because technically I have the best of both sides.

High.

I sat there alone in the dark,
waiting for a little spark,
so that the flame can come on by,
to light it up and then get high.
Inhale and let my mind take flight,
exhale and hold that blunt tight.
Chill and relax for a little bit of time
And that my friends is the ends of this rhyme.

Day off.

Today I spent with you
But they were there too,
and they really like you,
yet sadly I do too.
I don't know what to do.


Today I spent with 2 good friends went to the mall movies made fools out of ourselves, because that is what we are good at! I thought that today would be a little awkward, but it was alright, I guess I am getting adjusted. Ahh, good day off, now I must go to school tomorrow! UGH!!! Why cant we have the whole week off?!?

The Bull.

YEE - HAWWW

Come one, come all, to the Dallas Bull. (I never said that I would keep franchises/clubs anonymous)
Well two of my friends, and one of their older sisters decided to go there one night to party, dance, and meet some fellas. Well the older sister was old enough to drink but of course she let her lil sis and friend take some (sips).
Yeah well supposedly,
"Believe me that place is not fun when you are sober, what else was I supposed to do?"

Some time passed, and all was well, yet boring, until this bouncer walked up to one of the under aged girls and asked her to step outside.
"Young lady have you been drinking?!?"
"What, me, uh, what, ... no.. okay, yeah!"
"I see you tried to mark your X off to look older."
"Actually I had to pee and I had to wash my hands."
"Well I am going to have to ask you and your party to leave the premises."
"Good, I didn't like this place anyways."

They didn't get arrested, or ticketed or anything, just got off with a warning, which is good.


Besides I told her not to go to the Dallas Bull to begin with! LOL.

Wish upon a star.

I wish upon a star so bright,

That you could be with me here tonight.

But I am still sitting, so lonesome and blue,

I guess my wish will just never come true.

By: Garrett Godbey.

Sinking slowly.

Earlier this year I was dealing with a lot of crap.
I never try to let it be known, but, I was.
These past few months I have been working really hard to be happy, and not to sink back into my mini depression.
A lot of my family has dealt with depression, and the teens in the family are starting to get it early. Its is not cool or fun.
Lately I am feeling that I am sinking slowly back into mine and that is not something I want to happen. It seems like everything is just piling on top of me, when in reality I am only making things worse than they have to be. Senior year is very stressful, honestly if you plan on going to a college, start filling out apps. now, start trying for scholarships, I have procrastinated so long it is just one big hassle!
I am dealing with family shit off and on, I am dealing with confusion (sexual orientation), I am dealing with and unrequited like (crush), jealousy, and still trying to apply myself in school (that isn't going to well either.)

Sometimes I wish that I could either be in someone elses shoes for a day to see how their life is better or worse, and sometimes (most of the time) I just wish that I could get away from all of this mayhem, and relax....

But that wouldn't be life now would it?!?

Signed,
Sinking into the quicksand.

The window.

I sit there and look out my window
It is like a portal into the future
Everything is happening here and now
The wind blowing through the trees
The birds flying
The planes soaring
The clouds swimming in the light blue sky
The grass changing colors while the sun sets
Everything so bright and vivid
In time the sun goes down and all is dark
No more colors, no more birds, no more beauty within the light
But there are stars, millions of them
That makes the window still worth being held open
When life gets to much, take the time,
Open your blinds and see the beauty of the world!

Energy.

If you know me, you know that I am not partial to energy drinks.
Long story short I had a bad experience with Red Bull, (I hope all the fish in the ocean enjoyed what I ate for breakfast as much as I did!) Also if you know me you know that I like to fool around with people!
* * *
Anyways, this girl yesterday at school was walking downstairs with an energy drink, as I was passing her walking upstairs I said,
"And you didn't get one for me?"
Just joking of course I didn't mean this statement literally.
To which she replied,
"Do you want this? I don't, it is gross."
"Hell yeah I want it, thanks." I said.
Even though I don't usually drink them I decided to, I was thirsty, and I felt I needed some energy!
Well energy indeed, I got all loopy and hyper. I had people so entertained that now they all want to see me drunk.
"If you are like this with an energy drink, I have to see you wasted! You are probably so funny."
* * *
Well, where there is a high, there is also a crash.
During eighth period I started to feel the crash, and then having to stay after school for boring ass rehearsals didn't help my mood one bit. Madea night, (see previous blog entitled Madea Night), was postponed.
* * *
And also if you know me, I have this weird phobia of gas stations, I HATE THEM.
My dad wanted to put gas in both of our vehicles. And all of the sudden me and this old lady almost collided. She honked her horn at me, what else was I supposed to do? My window was already down, I had to do the all American thing!
*Sticks out middle finger*
"FUCK YOU* I yelled.
Well, yeah, my dad heard me too!
"That is no way to talk to anyone." he exclaimed.
"Don't mess with me right now, please." I responded.
* * *
So, yesterday was kinda like the best and worst day all thrown together!
And I can't wait for the newly scheduled Madea Night!
* * *

It all started with an energy drink (actually with me waking up) but you know what I mean!

Bacon.

"You like Bacon right?"
"What's bacon?!?!?"
Seriously, what can I say?!? How do you live in this place called America and NOT know what bacon is!
Well this is coming out of the mouth of the girl who also said,
"Vienna Sausage looks like a 5 year olds tiny dick"
Really? I don't want to know why you are looking at 5 year olds dicks!
WOW!!
Pedophile much?!?
This chick is something else!

* * *

Neways, lets move on to another story, I thought this one was cute!
A little girl walked up to one of her friends at school (4th grade)
"Hey did you hear about Aaliyah?"
"No, what?"
"She is going to leave the country, Obama won."

Aww... I remember how it was to be so young and innocent.

Buttons

Two of my good friends are inseparable! It is like a package deal with these 2.
But ever so often, if not all the time, they push each others buttons a lil too much!
They used to date, and we all thought that they were "the perfect couple". They were so awesome together. But things change, they are still really close friends though! But it seems lately that they spend so much time around each other that they tend to get annoyed more easily!
Today at lunch, we were all just playin around, being bitchy with one another, when they started to push each others buttons.
"You know you make people want to hate you sometimes" one said to the other..
At this point I was bored and decided to get into it (just playin around) and got all bitchy! But whenever I said nething to push their buttons (which it did) they just couldn't get angry with me!
"Why is it that when you say things that should make us hate you we don't?" Was asked to me?
"Because I am a teddy bear!!" I replied!
So supposedly I can push the buttons and still be loved, that made me feel a little better about myself i suppose!
:D

Question.

Do you ever have those days/weeks or longer where you feel just so lost in thought and you cant accomplish anything?
Almost like you are alive but not there.
You try to do things, but you are so easily distracted!
You think about today, you think about what happened, you think about tomorrow, you think about what you want to happen, you think about what will happen. You react to your own thoughts and you put yourself into an indescribable mood.
Do you ever feel this way? Or is it just me?!? I am not crazy am I?
Sometimes I feel that I am.
Just everything is on my mind, my family, my friends, my future... life in general!
Sometimes it is alot to take in all at once!
I keep everything to locked up inside of me!
Sometimes I feel as if I am going to burst!
I dont know?!? Its weird!
***
Should I feel this way?

*Stares off into the distance and becomes snowed under in his own thoughts*

Gators.

So every other Monday a friend of mine and some of his acquaintances go to this place called Gators for all you can eat wings! Lately I have been invited, supposedly I am "part of the crew" now, which I don't mind I love going to Gators. And lets just say these people are a trip! FUNNY SHIT!!! Some of the conversations we have at that table are just... whoa! lmao! For instance, yesterday, I was asked, When having "fun" ... and you are "reaching the end of your journey" do you let them know or do you let it be a surprise?
How does one answer that?!? Lol. I said "surprise" just to see what the table would say! But when I have "Fun" I make sure to ask what the other would prefer, Of course. And also I got to watch two black guys playing Yu-Gi-oh. (Sp)? good timez!
I have never seen ne one actually play with the cards, it was really confusing to follow! And of course I had at least 6 glasses of Sweet Tea!
So last night we all (Choked on bones) (Played with an older mans bouncy balls) (And contemplated a porno) INSIDE JOKES!!!
HA HA!!!
And of course yu gotta check out the ladies (or guys). w/e.

WING NIGHT!!!!!!!

3-5 yr old girl comes out of closet

Literally, last night was my sisters annual halloween party.
Me and 4 friends were bored so we went into one of the many bedrooms in the house! We had to be in this room for at least five minutes, the party was gettin loud so I decided to close the door, (and we were getting ready to play truth or dare which failed miserably), as soon as I closed the door, the closet door swings open and this little girl pops out avoids eye contact and runs out of the room!
This scared the shit out of me! This little girl was in there the whole time! What was she doing in the closet?!? We all laughed for what seemed to be the longest time!
Haha, and all this happened before runnin around the neighborhood, random runnin across intersections, minor pole dancing, much picture taking, as well as "Free Hugs (Tips accepted)" and "Honk if your horn works" sign holding!
***
We did get quite a few people to honk, one truck (with teens in the back) screamed "YOU SUCK" To which I replied, "YOUR MOM SUCKS MY DICK BITCH!" Lets just say we kept a look out for that truck to make sure it didnt come back around!
***
Then jammin out to Pink, Maroon 5, and many other artists on the car ride home.
And to end the night I went home and watched a Pink concert!
Good Timez!!
Wish you could have been there!
WIsh I could do it all again!

Ahh, Halloween

What a crazy holiday!
People dress up, run aroung like todlers, and all just for candy!
Well where there is a holiday, there are parties! And we ALL know how those go!
Again I am keeping this completely anonymous but it was so funny i thought i would share!

Last night, this morning rather, at 1:41 AM, i got a phone call... or shall we call it a drunk dial!
This child was partying a lil too hard! And was drivin home?!?
According to this person
"I.. wanted to.... stay...but...sleeping spots....uh...taken.."
Which is fine, this person wasnt driving far i am glad she called so i could listen out for nething (bad) to happen.
I told her
"Drive safely"
and got the reply
"I.. am.. driving in between... the.. white and.........yellow..lines..."
Here comes the good shit! This person got home!!!!
"I hope ... my mom... is asleep.... and i can make it....inside... i am rele tired...
...
...
UGH I just ran into... that car.."
This child steps out of her car and walks into the neighbors!
And when she got inside, she persisted on talking to her mom!!

YOU ARE WASTED, DONT TALK TO UR MOM!!!
LMAO!!!


GOOD TIMEZZ

I am glad she made it home safe!!

Ahh, Halloween!

I should prolly call her..(Major hangover I presume.)
:D

Today...

How many emotions can yu go through in one day!
I wake up, I was tired and groggy...
I get to school I am bored, and thought-filled
At school, I felt a crush....
I got annoyed by one girl to an extreme...
I get home, i got relaxed...
got a call, was pretty happy...
got a lil jealous later in the afternoon,
and pretty much got bitched at through text messaging!
GAWD DAMN WHAT MOOD SHOULD I BE IN NOW?!?!?!?!?!?

I dont even know dude?!?

God, now I am in a funk!!!


UGH!!!

BLAH!!!

Boredom

So, weekends aren't that fun in my household!
The highlight of my day was gettin the mail and
spending about 30 minutes cutting the grass!
I am so fucking bored livin out here!
I need a job, that way i will be able to do shit!

***

Wow, there is a comercial about erectile disfunction on the telly right now!!
Lmao!!

Random!

Wait, What?

You know how i feel!! lol.
I dont know why, but I have noticed that I am somewhat avoiding you!
Maybe it is just easier for me that way.. i guess...
I mean it is a weird situation...
but then i beat myself up lata for avoiding ya!
What the fuck dude?!? lol.
I am stupid!
And i still wonder at times..

awkward... but i dont want it to be!

Hold up!

I am guessing you have feelings for me!
I used to have feelings for you, but not with the way you've been acting lately!
You are a cool person, but i see us as friends or friends with bennifits!
I told you that i liked someone else!
JUST bc i told you that doesnt mean yu go around tellin other ppl THAT is the reason i am not dating you!
Hun, you havent even talked to me about dating! So dont go making assumptions, bc they make an ass out of you!!!
That ticked me off! Dont go all emotional to get all of the attention on you! That is childish! But since we're on the subject maybe bc i like the other person is the reason i dont want to date you.... you never know! And you never will if you dont TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!
Again, stop being all emo and depressed bc you are dragging me and all of ur friends down with you!
Food for thought!!
Deal with it!

Get your cameras!

Tonight is homecoming!
Everyone is going to be all dressed up and looking their finest!
I can't wait!
Senior year homecoming!
I hope that it is kick ass!
It is looking like it will be!
Dennys afterwords!
Ahh, those workers are going to hate us more than anything!
But hey, they are there to work anyways! So might as well do SOMETHING! right?
Well I will get back to you on how the night went later
...
or tomorrow ;)
Ill be sure to take pictures!

People.

You have a boyfriend, I know that!
But why do i enjoy talking to you?
Why do I feel happy when I talk to you!
I mean, I know I shouldn't but I do!
And your beau would prolly kill me if he knew we chill.
I wish we could chill more.
Am I doing nething wrong here?!?

* * *

And you, your a completely different story,
I am completely distracted by you,
even though I shouldn't be.
But God knows that I am.
Your in my thoughts sometimes all to often!
I wish that we could spend more time together sometimes.
Just to talk..
Or whatever..
You are an amazing person!

* * *

And you! You are an AMAZING friend!
And ur (new) love triangle is about as confusing as mine! lol.
I have told you most things! Bc i can trust you!
I just wish that I could tell you ALL!
I wish I could fill you in on the updates, but that is not my place!

* * *

And you! lmao! What can I say!
We are cool, we can talk and we understand each other!
I am sorry that you got a lot of problems sometimes!
But hey, chin up kid, someday, somewhere, there will be some1 good 4 you!

Ticket.

So today leaving lennard high school i wasn't thinking and i was "trying" to catch up to a few friends in the car ahead of me!
Little did I know, what was set up?!?
A mother fucking speed trap!
Ah, the wonders of technology!
53 in a 40.

Now I gotta pay a $181 ticket.

And as of now i cannot drive to school!
Bleh!
And on top of that and others stresses i deal with everyday
I feel like shit!


SO I am pretty sure that all plans i have made will have to be cancelled.


Why am I so god damn stupid!

And why the fuck did this have to happen 2day?!?

REALLY?!?

Hmm..

I wonder!
Will anything happen?
Will anything go down?
Or am I letting my emotions get the best of me?
Should I play it cool?
Or should I work it?
Hmm...
This time i dont think i will be able to suffice with a What if!
;)

We will just have to see!

Wow.

So far (knock on wood) this weekend has been quite amazing!
I spent time with friends all day friday at MOSI!
And now have some great stories, pics, and videos to show of
all mi crazi friends (well most of them).
The field trip was amazing and i am so glad i went on it!
I also got some pretty cool news, well i thought it was at least!
;)
Homecoming is this Friday!
Spirit week is this week!
I wonder what will go down?!?
I will keep you posted!
:P

Done.

Will I ever get out of the friend zone!
I am so fukin tired of being looked at as a friend/brother!
My life story!
I am done, I won't be you friend! Back off!
I am afraid that I will be in this so called "friend zone" for the rest of my life!

And I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!!!!



Fuck it!

I am tired of friendships, relationships, nething! Done.

Ugh!

I feel like such a fucking home-wrecker!

Nuff' said!

You & Me.

I like you as a friend!
You like me as more.. this is weird!
Dont get me wrong you are an amazing person!
But i see you as a very close friend!
I dont know what to do or what to tell you?!?
I am stuck.



I wonder if this is how someone feels about me?!?

- stuck, confused, bummed.

Journal entry #1

Dear journal,
How has everything changed so much in such little time?
Earlier this year, everything was calm and okay.
It is funny how much can happen within 10 months!
Me and my close friends have somewhat grown apart!
At times with us it is weird and awkward,
but i love spendidng time with them!
It is a rele long story, i would explain it,
but that is not an easy thing to do!

Feelings 2

I am letting these feelings get to me!
Sometimes I try not to think about things,
but they come back and take over all of my thoughts.
I feel lonely, I feel depressed, I feel inexperienced.
I feel like a fuckin lame ass.
Period.
I dont know what to do, I dont know who to talk to.
Not many people like change!
Damnit!

Feelings.

I hate feelings sometimes!
You know the feelings that wont go away?
They just stay there and linger!
I hate when you try to force them to go away, and they never do,
And nothing ne one does or says makes it ne easier!
I am wasting my time but I can't help it!
And it is stressin' me out!
Of course I know it would never end up the way I would have liked.
But there is always hopes...
but again, I am wasting my time!
All I can is is that I am trying!
And I am sorry if that is hard for you!

What if?

What if I would have done this?
What if I would have dont that?
What if I didn't do this? or
What if I didn't do that?
"IF" that is all life really is.
Us wondering if we should take that chance,
that one last step that may lead us to falling off the cliff!
Some people take that risk and step fast!
But most, delay, most of us will sit back, think, wonder, overthink.
What should we do?
What can we do?
Try with all your heart not to think!
Thinking in some situations causes unneeded stress!
Just go with the flow.
Relax, what is the worst that can happen?
If you dont take a chance, later you will be asking yourself,
"What would have happened if i had taken that chance?"

Why?

Why is it that nice guys finish last?
Seriously, it is stupid.
That fact just bugs me sometimes!
ugh..

Lust.

Every ones deals with it.
Some more than others.
Do you ever just want to do things with people?
No commitment. No drama.
Just be wild, go with the flow, go crazy!
Release everything, all emotions, for the hell of it.
Hug, kiss, touch, grab, make out, play, fuck.
Any thing but being lonely.
Any thing but sitting all alone.
Do you ever feel like that, or am I the only one?
Most people say sex is something you should wait for till marriage?
Honestly, I dont think that is such a big deal ne more, honestly who cares?
My mind wanders, sometimes, I lust!
Also, if you are reading this, dont judge!

Secret.

As a child you always heard that everyone has their secrets.
I never really took the time to think about that, but it is true.
Do you know that Straight A student that will probably end up being valadictorian?
I bet you more than anything that they have a secret that you could never guess.
Your daughter, your son, your mother, father, sister, brother, best friend, cousin, lover.
They all have a secret that they have not told you!
Or have they? Do they trust you enough to tell you about them?
Do you trust yourself in keeping them?
A secret is an amazing thing, a little secret can help you to find who you can fully trust in you life.
It doesnt even have to be anything big.
I have secrets, and i know that if you are reading this you have yours too!

Do U Kno Wat I'm Seeing?

"I know it's mad, but if I go to hell would you come with me? Or just leave?
I know it's mad but if the world were ending would you kiss me? Or just leave me?"

That is a deep question, if some one (anyone) were to ask you that to your face how would you respond?
I have to give props to Ryan Ross of Panic At The Disco!
Amazing lyrics!
Very thoughtful!