A day is always filled with sunshine and optimism but there are usually rain clouds of pessimism.

My goal this week was to be more optimistic about life, and let me tell you I am trying my damnedest but it is quite difficult! I don't know what to do about anything? Can you tell me how to think, how to act, what to say or do, because if I keep attempting by myself I think that I may implode! Where do I go from here? I lay down at night think that there Is going to be a brighter tomorrow but it is filled with clouds of chaos! How does one manage to get out of that? I wish my clouds of chaos would take me to OZ like the twister did for Dorthy! But I live in reality, there is no happiness somewhere over the rainbow!
Enough with this pessimistic thought bubble, that is just me rambling because it is hard to tell you all how I truly feel! But all in all yesterday was a good day for the most part! I got to spend time with Swiss and Mozzarella and they always know how to turn my frown upside down!Last night I also experienced the funniest youtube video I have ever seen! HAHAHAHAHAHONKKKK! A woman that laughs like a car horn! Now if that isn't epic I don't know what is?!? I am glad that I can still have fun times when I am a little down, it helps me! I am just always trying to better myself in the long run! I wish I could do it all at once! Hopefully next time I post on here for you all to read I will be fine, hopefully I will have all of my issues sorted out and my drama put to rest, I just need to get back to being myself! :) Till next time! x

I am so sorry!!!

First and foremost I would like to sincerely apologize for my actions yesterday! I was extremely upset and not in my right mind when I posted my blog! I would like to apologize to my best friend Case, I love you bro and we will work things out I am really sorry for calling you what I did and saying so many hurtful words! And also I apologize to all of the other people who may have read my blog! What I did was uncalled for but I did it anyways to get my point across!
On a brighter note today I went to my nieces birthday party, I love them so much! They are growing up so quick! Every time I see them I feel like I am getting so old, even though I am still new to adulthood. Spending time with my sisters family and their friends made me miss my friendships and the bond that I should have with people this is why I don't want to be on rocky terms with anyone I know! To all of you who are my friends I would just like to say I love you so much and you have no idea how much you all truly mean to me! Honestly, I would not be able to survive without you all! I know I have my ups and down with my bipolar moods and once again I do apologize for that as well! I wish I could type how much I truly love you all individually but I will have to save that for another post because there is a lot for me to say about all of you!
On another note, today one of my really close friends got the inspiration to start her very own blog! You should follow her and show her some love! Shout out to Mozzarella!
Wow, look at me and all of my rabbit trails I am so emotional I can't even stay on one topic whilst typing (at least it is a good emotional). Well I just wanted to post this and apologize personally to Casey and all of my friends! I hope that I can fix everything that I caused. We will find out all in due time! Lots of love!!! Till next time! x

Honestly?!?

I know that I said I was going to try and be optimistic from now on but for today FUCK that I am being a major pessimist at this point in time! Last night was a waste of my fucking time! I should have just stayed home like I tend to do lately! Honestly, it seems to me that friends are overrated at this point! I went to go see my bro casey's play at his high school, it had it ups and downs of course, but everything shot to hell when a group of us decided to go to Starbucks afterwords. I would just like to say if there is anything I hate more when I am hanging out it is segregation into different groups! I HATE that! If you are going to segregate yourself then don't even tell the people you are not talking to that you are going in the 1st place! I went to Starbucks, so i sat at a table! Most of you stayed at your cars and didn't decide to join us till your OTHER friends left! That's bull shit!!!! My so called best friend hardly said 2 words to me! He ran off chain smoked and he supposedly needed to get home? If you needed to get home you should speak to the driver and you should not walk across a busy highway to walmart.... what is that going to help any! He kept wandering around, all the people at Starbucks (people we don't even know) were asking what his deal was! I don't fucking know what his deal was! I am so upset right now and if it seems like I am ranting like a bitch it is because I AM! I go to my best friends play with him and he chooses to IGNORE us and act like a lil bitch?!?!?!? Honestly? If you want to say something talk to me I cant read your freaking mind!!! I miss the old you! You aren't yourself lately and I don't like it at all! I feel like I put so much effort into my friendship to get nothing back! Last night was supposed to be about him but all that was just shit! I guess! And another thing FOR THE LAST TIME I don't mind chilling with AJ! Everyone has it in there head that I hate this kid! But last night was bull shit! I honestly don't know what to say to any of you people right now! You call yourself friends?!? BULLSHIT! I'm so tired and upset right now! Im just going to stop here!! I have way too much on my mind and I probably should not be posting this but again! Fuck it! I would also just like to thank the 2 people who actually acted sane and kept me composed last night, so thank you guys so much!!! Till next time! x

What is this chatroulette you speak of?

I don't know if you have noticed or not but lately there has been a sick obsession about this site called chat roulette! I can't say anything about people having this fixation because sadly am semi obsessed as well! I just think that it is amazing being able to have a conversation with a complete stranger. It is really neat that you can converse with people that live anywhere around the world! Isn't that a great concept, connecting with other races and cultures via webcam? Of course this site that has amazing potential has just turned into a easy fix for free porn, men and women exposing themselves to anyone who would like to watch. At times that is a little creepy, believe me we don't want to watch you masturbate if we did we would go rent a porno flick! (But of course sometimes they can be good looking *wink* lol). I have been able to talk to tons of people who live abroad, chatting with people who live in England, Norway, Australia, Brazil, Portugal, Canada, and many other places as well! I have met some pretty interesting people and I have had some pretty random conversations! I would just like to say that all the people who are tipsy on chat roulette really make everything much more exciting! All in all forget the tits, next the dicks and just go on the site and talk to people you will probably never meet! You never know who you will find on chat roulette! ;)
P.S. I do not know the people in the picture I posted! I just found that image on Google, so thank you my fellow strangers and Google! Till next time! x

My adventure at Starbucks.

Yesterday was an extremely boring day! But at around 11 PM my friends called me and finally decided to make some plans! So what else are we supposed to do? Of course we go to the neighborhood 24 hour Starbucks! And let me just tell you what an adventure we went on! First of all let me introduce you to my friends, Amanda is a fun loving true blond!! She says the most random things at the perfect times! Which was great during our adventure last night. Joel is a chill person who likes to go with the flow. Well if you don't know Joel I would like to let you know his vehicle is always like a cafe, last night in his vehicle he had little bite muffins, bottles of water, a huge pack of cokes, the list goes on and on, he also has a monopoly board, I hope you see where I am going with this! LOL. The night started with meeting up at the neighborhood big lots at 12:15 AM, trying to find people to join us, driving to our friend Whitney's house banging on her door (she never answered), the 35 mile drive to Starbucks jamming out to the glee version of 'Don't Stop Believing' and other highly embarrassing songs to be singing aloud on the highway, (but those are always the best songs to jam to) haha! We didn't actually get to Starbucks till sometime after 1AM, and the scary part is we have been going there so often lately that we recognized most if not all of the people there. After some period of time of talking and random banter Amanda started getting a little hungry and decided to get the little bite muffins out of Joel's car. When she got to his car she was trying to open the trunk to get the monopoly board, she was having the most difficult time trying to open that trunk! haha!
"Joel, come help me, come here!"
Low and behold there was a group of teenagers sitting near us, as soon as Amanda yelled this out one jumped up and responded to her call!
"I'll come, I heard the words come and here, and you know I'm there!!!"
He rushes over and tries to help Amanda with the trunk! All of us friends back at the tables are laughing our asses off! The kid that was helping Amanda was completely wasted! He drank a little to much Sangria! And as soon as he saw monopoly that was all he wanted to do so we had a flaming drunk guy randomly join us for a game of monopoly! One of his friends joined us as well! It didnt last long but that was the funniest thing that has happened to me all week! Let me tell you! You have to play monopoly with a drunk person! It is priceless! The other group of kids soon left and headed home! I really hope Mike (the drunk one) got home safe, he really shouldn't have driven! Soon after we left as well and jammed to techno rave music all the way back to big lots! LOL. All in all amazing coffee, tons of laughs, hilarious people, last night was definitely epic! I really wish you could have been there! Till next time! x

What do you think?

What are your thoughts on dreams? When you dream at night while you are asleep do you think it means anything? Do you think it is a sign of what's to come in your life ? Lately I have dreamed a little bit about love and just how I would feel if I were in love. Does that mean that I am going to find someone soon, or is it that I am so desperate that I just dream about being in love? I think that it is a good question. Hmm, I wish I could find love! That would be nice, and these dreams are just like little teasers. It is like hanging a piece of steak in front of a hungry dog just far enough to where it cant reach it. Anyways, I love dreams. Sometimes I wish I could just stay asleep and live in my dreams for as long as I wish! But of course we can't do that so I will remain in reality!! Till next time! x

Lazy days!

So everything is looking up! Me and my friends are doing well, there hasn't been to much drama lately, which is good believe me! haha! But there is only one thing that has been setting me back! I realize that I have no motivation whatsoever! That's a problem! I feel like a 12 year old jit trapped in a 19 year old's body. I need to move on in life! I am going to start my second semester of college soon! I need to get a job, I need to get an income, I need to leave my parents house (I don't want to catch any family curses lol). All of that is what I need, but what am I doing to achieve it? Nothing! You would think that I would be motivated but strangely I am not! I don't know why, maybe I am afraid of change or of the future, who knows? I wish they would sell motivation in a bottle, that would be cool right? Haha anyways in other news I watched the LOST series finale last night I never watched an episode but I LOVED the finale, now I want to watch the whole series! I remember 6 years ago when it premiered that I was going to watch that show faithfully but I never did! I am such a poser! This Thursday I am going with a friend to the rays game! That is going to be fun! Maybe afterwords we will do what we do every Thursday and that is go to the neighborhood 24 hour Starbucks and stay and chat till 3 AM. Starbucks that is open 24/7 now that is definitely a gift straight from God!!! I feel all Starbucks should be like that! Just my opinion of course! Well it is time for me to find some motivation! Maybe I will find it on the treadmill? I think it is worth a try! Don't forget to watch the GAGA episode of glee tomorrow everybody! Till next time! X

My feelings today.

Today I feel rather lonely. I always go through days like this, when I feel lonely lost and confused. I am sure we all as humans go through days such as this. I feel as if if I had someone there living life with me (a significant other) that it would make life run a little smoother. Do you know what I mean? I know relationships are difficult but I feel that It would help me. The course of true love never did run smooth. I heard a song today that brings up a very good point. While watching New Now Next Pop Lab today a Jay Brannan song titled Can't Have it All came on and here are some lyrics,

Do you want a lover, or do you want a life?
one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife?
do you choose winter, spring, summer, or fall?
it's driving me crazy that i can't have it all
If these walls could talk, they'd probably cry out for mercy
'til i'm outlined in chalk, i'll be romantically thirsty
so i drink and drink from the proverbial time sink
Fuck this, this can't be my life
tears flowing in full force tonight
why can't i sit down and write,
bring this question to light?
Do we hold the future, or does it come in peace?
and if it's in my hands, are you sure it should be in brittle hands like these?
life, love, and the pursuit of all the things they promised me
can i have all of the above? are the best things in life truly free?

How true is that? Sometimes in this life you have to choose one thing or another and those decisions are usually the most difficult to make. Jay really picked an amazing song to sing and it really got me thinking today! I am going to post more on my short story that I posted on here some time ago, you should check it out and see how I decided to finish it! Till next time! x

The Return!

Wow, it has almost been one whole year since I have posted on this website! Isn't that crazy? A lot has changed since then, for instance, I have graduated from high school and I more or less have a whole new batch of friends! Remember the friend I always talked about saying that I hoped we would never lose touch? Yeah well we hardly see each other anymore and we both have moved on! (It was for the best). I just completed my 1st semester of college as well, that was an experience in itself! Thankfully I kept up good grades! I still to this day dont have a job so lets just say that I feel like a complete bum, I don't really like it too much. As I am a little older I have a whole brand new set of friend drama! I technically lost my virginity and within the next few days the girl that I hooked up with was offering herself to my best friend! That was a low blow so how can I talk to her? The hardest part was my best friend actually considering hooking up with her, it made me feel so used. I dont even know whats going on between me and my bro right now, he hardly ever talks to me anymore, so until he comes to me and talks I don't know what to say... Whilst reading all of my old post I saw that I was a highly negative person! This blog was how I vented! Lately I have been working on becoming a more positive guy! So from now on that is what I am going to try doing! The key word there was try! So I have friend drama? Oh well that's life and life goes on! I will be starting my second semester of college in a few months and before then I really need to focus on getting me a job so that I may have some source of income! (I need to get out of my family's home). It was nice to be able and vent again! I am not going to wait a year before I post on here again! Promise! :)