Update.

May 6th 12:56AM 

Well it had been a while. I am still alive I swear! A few years have passed, you know the deal, a little older, somewhat wiser, yet still as clueless as ever. Just put in my two weeks at a job I have been at for two years and it is time for a drastic change. New job, new me. I have to be happy with myself before I can be happy with anyone else. Life is definitely a rollercoaster but what a fucking ride it has been! Ups, downs, and all the damn loops has definitely taken a toll on me. But here's to living life! 

Just a mere dream?

When I woke up in the morning I was torn by the fact that she wasn't laying there next to me. The pillow next to my head looked as if it has been untouched which left me feeling heartbroken. Is it possible that I could have just been dreaming? There is no way! It couldn't be possible that I imagined spending the past year with this angel!
We met last year at a state fair when some of our friends met up with each other. It was like love at first site! Her sky blue eyes and her shining brunette hair always loured me in! Ever since that day we had been together! We spent countless hours laying out in the sun on the beach, took many picnics in our local park, and just spent the majority of the time talking about life. There was never a boring moment when she was near. She always knew just what to do to get my heart racing.
I just can't fathom why she is not here. Where could she have gone? She has to be real! She has to!
I miss how she would get out of bed early just to put on some of her enticing perfume, every time she came back to bed I would wake up filled with joy because of her beautiful scent! That was always my favorite way to wake up. I miss the way she would try to hide her porcelain face from me whenever tears were forming in her eyes, but she still came to me for comfort. It always made me flutter to know I was the one who made her day all the merrier when she was feeling down.
There is no way I could have made all of this up! She has to be real!
I can't help but thinking about all the marvelous things we did together. I remember that bizarre night when we jumped over a fence of our neighbors house and went skinny dipping in their pool whilst they were on vacation up north, she was always willing do go the distance especially when any type of danger was involved. I reminisce about the time we went camping and made passionate love underneath the alluring sky with the thousands of stars and the moon giving off enough light so that we could gaze in each others eyes and pray that the moment could last forever.
If she and everything else that I remember about us is real then why would she just get up and leave? Why wouldn't my love let me know? Why would she make me worry? I am starting to think that this past year was just to good to be true! Maybe I did dream up a year within a few hours! How could someone so real so elaborate be imaginary?
I will never forget our first fight it was so just so daft and pointless! It was over money, I can't recall the exact conversation but I just knew later it was pointless there was no need to argue over such material. But when she and I made up and settled our differences our relationship grew stronger than it was before. Oh and the first time we made love was so romantic, we ate a gourmet dinner then proceeded to take a moonlit stroll on the beach with a pricey bottle of aged wine and we eventually looked into each others eyes and knew we were destined to be together! That night at my place was magical! That evening changed my life in the best of ways! I felt my soul coming alive!
Where the hell could she be? Why would she leave me alone without any trace of her?
I will never forget the surprised look on her face when I showed up at her work for our three month anniversary with a dozen of blooming white roses. I could see her heart melting! Just her expression and the way her green eyes began to water made me proud to be hers!
I am beginning to think I did imagine all of this! How is it possible that someone as perfect as her would end up with a man like me?
I walked around my house and searched for a sign of her. No notes, no purse, nothing! I already miss her laugh, her fantastic smile, the way she would randomly caress my face when she looked at me. I miss her in general. I just want her back, maybe I will just go back to sleep and see if I can see her wonderful face again. As I take that dismal walk back to my bed someone began to bang on the front door.
Who could that be? Why does someone want to see me this early in the morning? I honestly don't want any company! The banging didn't cease. Finally I make it to the door and when I open it there she stood, my beautiful angel was standing in the doorway with her hands filled.
"I am so sorry I woke you honey!" She said.
"I was trying to surprise you but I had no way of opening the door!" She put the bags on the counter and I realized she brought back our favorite breakfast from the same place we had our first date after the fair one year ago! This is why I love her! Everything she does makes me want her even more, even all of the little thing like bringing me breakfast. I walked up to her and proclaimed,
"Baby, I love you so much you don't even know how much I appreciate you being a part of my life."
I took some time to admire her standing in front of me and I was so glad that she is part of my reality! This is love! And she will always have my heart!

Mitch Says...

You know how people tell you to live life in the moment? Where is my moment? Am I really living life to the fullest as of right now as I am sitting on my laptop writing this? Am I really supposed to be a lonely 20 year old working at a dead beat job with ignorant snobs? What happened to my goals and what happened to my sense of adventure? My living in the moment as of now is so mundane!
'Tis close to valentines day and still no special someone, I always hope and pray that someone will pop into my life at any split second and send my heart reeling but that has never happened! Valentines day to me is just another holiday created by the greeting card industry to make single people fell like shit! Anyone want to join me for a gallon of ice cream and the notebook on February 14th?
Life is so stationary as of now, and I despise being stationary! I wish that something major and exciting would happen! Maybe a once in a lifetime experience! Maybe something will occur soon! Who knows ? That's just how I have been feeling lately. Till then.
-Mitch

Smoking

Such a nasty habit, and yet it feels so good. It all starts with the clicking of the lighter and the lift of it to the tip of the cigarette, the sound of the tobacco lighting and the feeling of the smoke as you inhale and it penetrates your lungs! The risk of cancer and sickness increases as your stress level decreases! But the only thing that I think about is my stress level, why else do you think I put myself through this? I would do anything do get away and try not to stress about everyday problems for just a few minutes. So that is what I do! I get away! And the nicotine takes me there slowly but surely! Like I said before it is such a nasty habit, but one that I deal with! Definitely one of my daily struggles!

Well it is 2011

A new year a new me! That is always how it goes right? Every time the year changes we all plan on changing ourselves drastically yet we only change with a matter of time and experience. College is going well I have a steady job that is driving me utterly insane and I am trying to live to the fullest! I told myself that this year I am going to begin creative writing again, I need to stop wasting my talent and I want to use my voice to tell crazy stories that people will enjoy and that is exactly what I am going to do! :) So here I am kicking off 2011 right!

The last 3 months.

So it has been almost three months since I have last blogged and as always when I take my time away a lot has changed! I have lost friends, I have gained friends, added stress from college and my new job have put a great toll on my social life. All I have been thinking lately is about my future, of course I am going to school but what good is that going to do if I do not know what path I want to take for life? I am tired of sitting in the dark! I know it is my life and I have to make my own decisions but the thought of failing is frightening!! This whole summer I did well in my attempt to remain optimistic, but now the stress from life is pulling me down the dark road of pessimism and that is not something that I enjoy! What does a person do when they want to find their calling in life but cant? Scientists can help by finding cures for many diseases but they cant figure out how to help people to help decide their futures. I am lost but I am trying to find my way! I do not want to stay at a minimum wage job for the rest of my life! That is all I know for sure! I want to do well in life and prove all the people who have ever doubted me wrong once and for all!

Riding solo.

Life is fun, of course it is a roller-coaster but you should know that! You have heard that saying since you were a little kid, right? I know that I have! It is definitely true life does has its ups and downs, but in the long term those things that happen are what molds us into the person that we are, the person that we know and love!
I am just you average human being, an angst filled teenager just looking to have a good time. Of course I am scared I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of loss, I am afraid of hardships and getting old, but all of that is a part of life! In the long run all of those little things will make me stronger! But there is one thing that I am really afraid of. I am deathly afraid that I am going to end up alone in life! That is a thought that impacts me on a daily basis! I always hear that I will find that perfect someone for me one day, and that I am such a great guy, but you can speak words all you want that does not make them true! I am lonely and I have always been lonely! I love my family and I love my friends, but when I am dealing with loneliness there are things that my friends can't provide me with such as comfort and desire. I am just scared that I will not be able to find that one right person. I know loads of people that go through life without finding their soulmate and I really do not want to live like that! I want to find my better half! I don't want to ride this roller-coaster by myself! I want a person to ride this roller-coaster called life right by my side!

50 things you may not know about me.

1. I am highly self conscious
2. I have to sleep in complete darkness
3. It bugs me when doors inside a house are open, I like to close them.
4. I am bi-curious
5. I am undecided about my future.
6. I feel naked if I am not wearing at least one ring when I leave home
7. It doesn't matter where I am going I have to take a shower before I go even if I have already taken one that day.
8. When alone in my room I blast music and dance like Beyonce. (You think I am playing, LOL.)
9. I quit smoking but I still think about smoking a cigarette every single day.
10. When I was a little kid I didn't dream of being an astronaut, I wanted to be a male stripper, and a waiter! LOL
11. I used to play with Polly Pockets when I was little because I had no life. And yes i do talk to inanimate objects!
12. I am deathly afraid of the game truth or dare because of a bad experience, but in a strange way I still enjoy playing.
13. I HATE spiders, my ass will run away if I see one!
14. I have never actually kissed a person with meaning, everyone I have made-out has just been for the hell of it.
15. I HATE derogatory remarks, (i.e. Fagot, Gay, Dike...) I was called a fagot once and that was one of the worst feelings in the world!
16. I am obsessed with concerts and I love going to them even if I do not know the band.
17. I don't mind meeting complete strangers, but I am afraid of meeting my friends other friends.
18. I like getting to know waiters at the places I eat so I can always have a good conversation and sometimes get free shit! :D
19. When I walk into a room I usually lock the door without even realizing it.
20. I am almost completely blind without my glasses or contacts.
21. Some music reminds me of bad times in my life, but sometimes I love listening to it and putting myself back in those times, it is kind of like torture, but I do it.
22. The more dangerous something is to do, the more tempted I am to do it.
23. I am superstitious.
24. I have never really trusted ANY church since one of my friends from childhood was killed by his youth pastor.
25. I am obsessed with watching movies, I will watch them until I can quote them, just like CRUEL INTENTIONS! haha!
26. I love singing in the shower!
27. My favorite thing to do it sit next to a bonfire and playing with the dirt and grass.
28. I am attracted to older males and females.
29. I love blogging to vent my feelings
30. I absolutely hate body hair on my body
31. I honestly believe that I have a receding hair line
32. When I hear a persons name I judge them based on people that I know with the same name
33. I hate school
34. I love alcohol
35. I dream of being in love and have never felt the feeling of love
36. I am very emotional and cry easily.
37. When I get nervous I fidget.
38. It bugs me when people talk CONSTANTLY during a movie!
39. When I am checking a person out I instantly look at the calf muscles.
40. I can not sleep without a fan on!
41. I over exaggerate everything!
42. I sadly love musicals (usually).
43. I am an extremely slow reader!
44. I have the worst memory yet I remember all the bad things in life.
45. I have horrible trust issues, I feel as if I can't trust anyone!
46. I am thoroughly obsessed with Facebook
47. I feel as if I will be single my entire life sometimes
48. I love to laugh it keeps me sane!
49. I am really jealous when it comes to my friends.
50. And finally (for now), I love watching the ocean!

Big Brother.

Big Brother is a reality television show in which a group of people live together in a large house, isolated from the outside world but continuously watched by television cameras. The people in this house have no form of electronic entertainment. They have no cell phone, no television, no gaming consoles, or anything of that nature. They also do not have any books or writing utensils. People have to survive on social skills alone to keep entertained for almost 3 entire months. If this game isn't the most intense mind-fuck, I don't know what is. Throughout the week there are different challenges to help the house-guests win power of the house and luxuries such at hot showers and nice living quarters. Many different problems arise as people begin to clash with one another causing reckless drama (which of course we all love to watch on our televisions!)
This of course is a reality show, but it is also a major culture shock, taking humans back to the basics with no entertainment that we are used to. I mean there is a pool, a jacuzzi, a billiard table, and a chess set but those only help for so long! If I can go on any show I would chose this one in a heartbeat! I want to see how much of the game I could take without losing my mind. I want to see how people can cope without the luxuries that they are used to. And I want to see how well I can play the game and all the people in the house! ;)
If you haven't been able to tell by now I am uterly obsessed with big brother. I love the show the concept and everything about it! I want to go on it in the future!

Love.

SHORT STORY
My name is Jonathan, and just for the record I have never been in love. Yeah I have had plenty of girlfriends, of course I have had sex more than a few times, and I have even kissed other dudes because of dares, but I have never fallen in love. I don’t believe in love. I love you! Those three little words are so damn cliché. I hear them all of the time. I don’t think that many people really mean those words when they say them! All I hear is I lust you. Isn’t that what love is? Is true love something that really exists or is it just something to add on to the lust that we feel for one another. Where did love begin? With Adam and Eve? How did that turn out? A whole lot of fucking, spawning of children, and now look at all of us relatives fighting against each other in world wars! Love is just something that the media created to make a quick buck. Every time I think that I have found a couple that are in love reality sets in, some crazy ass scandal unfolds, and the relationship crumbles to pieces. I am sure this situation sounds at least a tad bit familiar to you! Have you seen anyone that can tell you at this very moment that they’re in love?
***
Love is a figment of our imagination. It can’t be real, if it were why is there so much hate in this world? Out of 25 years of living the only love I have found is my relationship that I have with the porcelain god when I have had a little bit too much to drink. I mean think about it nothing is more willing to accept your sick. My friend Mark always tells me that I am going to find someone special someday. He tells me that I will be in a relationship just as lovely as he and his girlfriend Rachel. I don’t know what relationship he is looking at, lets see, Rachel has once thrown a portable phone at him, has pushed his computer through the wall, and dumped out all of the alcohol in the house. I don’t know about you but that relationship would have been done with the second I saw my Jose Cuervo going down the drain. So I am not looking forward to finding my ‘Rachel’ because I would like to stay out of the slammer!
***
Every time my buddy Mark invites me to his house his girlfriend Rachel always has one of her friends over that she “really wants me to meet”. The sad part is that all of her friends are just about as anal as she is! I used to act like I would enjoy myself on these evenings but after about fifteen times I have learned that doesn’t help me at all. So lately when she has a friend over I act like an ass and within ten minutes I am sure they’re not interested in me. Me acting this way really tics off Rachel, it is such a comedy. After this situation was repeated several times Rachel eventually gave Mark an ultimatum, he could either stay with her or be friends with me. Of course Mark was blindsided by, so called, love and chose her. Is that really love? Does love make you choose one thing over another? Well because of love I have lost a best friend. Do you still wonder why I think love is a sham?
***
Love in an illusion. I have never seen anyone have a happily ever after like the movies show, that is why I enjoy dramas and tragedies, they are more true to life. Today is Friday and I am going to do what I always do, I am going to go to the bar by myself, get a little drunk and go home alone as well. Well after about my fourth or fifth corona this woman walking passed the bar spilt her martini on me, my first reaction was anger but I couldn’t be angry when I saw her face. She had beautiful shoulder length black hair and had the most gorgeous green eyes that I have ever seen. She started to apologize and patted me down with napkins. Her voice was angelic.
“I am so sorry!” She kept saying over and over. “Is there any way I can make this up to you?” she asked.
“Actually, yeah, what is your name?” I asked casually.
“Rachel.”
“It’s really nice to meet you Rachel my name is Jonathan, and please don’t worry about the drink it’s perfectly fine.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, and are you sure I can’t do anything?”
“Well, would you like to go grab a bite to eat or something?”
“Actually, I would love that.”
“Well come on let’s go.” I said.
What is wrong with me? I have never been so forward with a woman before, I didn’t even think about asking her to dinner I just did it. She was beautiful. Even though I had just met her in a cliché romance movie kind of way, I feel as if I have known her since birth. We walked to the nearest delicatessen and spent the next few hours talking about everything from how to get ketchup out of the bottle to the deepest mysteries of life. I have never felt like this for anyone before. Is this what love is? I am so intrigued by this woman, I don’t want her to leave my sight, and she really seems to be enjoying herself. Is all that I thought about love wrong? Does love really exist? Am I going to have to take everything I have been saying for so many years and toss it? I guess it all comes down to if she will give me the chance to be there for her, if she will give me the chance to be her boyfriend. We were getting ready to leave the table when I finally decided to ask her what I wanted to this whole time.
“I have had such an amazing time with you, it was such a pleasure bumping into you, but I was wondering would you like to do this again sometime?”
….