Journal entry #1

Dear journal,
How has everything changed so much in such little time?
Earlier this year, everything was calm and okay.
It is funny how much can happen within 10 months!
Me and my close friends have somewhat grown apart!
At times with us it is weird and awkward,
but i love spendidng time with them!
It is a rele long story, i would explain it,
but that is not an easy thing to do!

Feelings 2

I am letting these feelings get to me!
Sometimes I try not to think about things,
but they come back and take over all of my thoughts.
I feel lonely, I feel depressed, I feel inexperienced.
I feel like a fuckin lame ass.
Period.
I dont know what to do, I dont know who to talk to.
Not many people like change!
Damnit!

Feelings.

I hate feelings sometimes!
You know the feelings that wont go away?
They just stay there and linger!
I hate when you try to force them to go away, and they never do,
And nothing ne one does or says makes it ne easier!
I am wasting my time but I can't help it!
And it is stressin' me out!
Of course I know it would never end up the way I would have liked.
But there is always hopes...
but again, I am wasting my time!
All I can is is that I am trying!
And I am sorry if that is hard for you!

What if?

What if I would have done this?
What if I would have dont that?
What if I didn't do this? or
What if I didn't do that?
"IF" that is all life really is.
Us wondering if we should take that chance,
that one last step that may lead us to falling off the cliff!
Some people take that risk and step fast!
But most, delay, most of us will sit back, think, wonder, overthink.
What should we do?
What can we do?
Try with all your heart not to think!
Thinking in some situations causes unneeded stress!
Just go with the flow.
Relax, what is the worst that can happen?
If you dont take a chance, later you will be asking yourself,
"What would have happened if i had taken that chance?"

Why?

Why is it that nice guys finish last?
Seriously, it is stupid.
That fact just bugs me sometimes!
ugh..

Lust.

Every ones deals with it.
Some more than others.
Do you ever just want to do things with people?
No commitment. No drama.
Just be wild, go with the flow, go crazy!
Release everything, all emotions, for the hell of it.
Hug, kiss, touch, grab, make out, play, fuck.
Any thing but being lonely.
Any thing but sitting all alone.
Do you ever feel like that, or am I the only one?
Most people say sex is something you should wait for till marriage?
Honestly, I dont think that is such a big deal ne more, honestly who cares?
My mind wanders, sometimes, I lust!
Also, if you are reading this, dont judge!

Secret.

As a child you always heard that everyone has their secrets.
I never really took the time to think about that, but it is true.
Do you know that Straight A student that will probably end up being valadictorian?
I bet you more than anything that they have a secret that you could never guess.
Your daughter, your son, your mother, father, sister, brother, best friend, cousin, lover.
They all have a secret that they have not told you!
Or have they? Do they trust you enough to tell you about them?
Do you trust yourself in keeping them?
A secret is an amazing thing, a little secret can help you to find who you can fully trust in you life.
It doesnt even have to be anything big.
I have secrets, and i know that if you are reading this you have yours too!

Do U Kno Wat I'm Seeing?

"I know it's mad, but if I go to hell would you come with me? Or just leave?
I know it's mad but if the world were ending would you kiss me? Or just leave me?"

That is a deep question, if some one (anyone) were to ask you that to your face how would you respond?
I have to give props to Ryan Ross of Panic At The Disco!
Amazing lyrics!
Very thoughtful!

Lonely.

Do you ever feel like your alone?
Like you are walkin through life an evil clone?
When everyone in life passes you by
And all you want is to just say hi
You feel so lonely inside your home
But then the world is just one big dome
You sit, you listen, you watch, you cry
And anyone around just asks you why